Through very little fault of my own, I have become a human lint roller.

Let me explain.

For decades now I have worn leather jackets when the cold winds of winter roar. My leather jacket series started with the innocent purchase of a brown leather “bomber” jacket from JC Penney over at the Lafayette Mall. The coat was made at the factory to look old and weathered. The inside lining had printed on it a fascinating map of the world. The coat was far sharper than I was and I got compliments and questions on the garment way out of proportion to the $69 dollars I paid for the thing on closeout sale.

When the brown leather coat showed true signs of aging, it was a hard parting.

When I finally went out shopping for the brown leather’s replacement, I stayed in the leather coat family. This time it was a swanky black leather coat from Carson Pirie Scott. I didn’t think the black leather coat was anything out of character for me. My co-workers thought otherwise, and I remember folks at the office teasing me about the “biker” look that I sported during winter.

But sometime during my ownership, the black leather coat turned on me. My wife says I neglected to oil the coat properly. All I know is that for years I did zero “maintenance” on my old brown coat and I wasn’t going to start with the black one.

It was my dry cleaner who first noticed that my shirts were coming to her with big black circles on the outside of the collar. Now I’ve heard of ring around the collar - but these were more like tire tread marks - far more visible. than a dirty neck could ever cause.

After months of mystery and a lot of pre-treating and shirt laundering, the black leather jacket was identified as the ring on the outside of the collar culprit. And so the black leather coat was retired to the back of the closet and I got myself a new winter coat to replace it.

This time it was a super sale at Macy’s where I purchased a black cloth coat with a nice collar and which zippers up in front and also buttons up.

There are a couple things I don’t like about cloth coats and which I had avoided for years with my leather jackets. A cloth coat doesn’t let you slide around in the car like a leather jacket does. I have cloth bucket seats in my car. I might as well be wearing velcro the way my new cloth coat bonds to the cloth fabric of the car seat. Where I first land in the car is where I stay, unless I wrestle my way out of the coat while driving. Not only is that wrestling match not a pretty sight, I’m not even always the winner.

The other thing about cloth coats is that stuff sticks to cloth which leather repels. String and hair, lint and fuzz, dog and cat fur, it all sticks. And if your cloth coat is black, it all shows - every single solitary piece.

Thus, I have become a human lint roller. Everywhere I go I attract whatever is floating in the air or lying on nearby surfaces. I take that particulate and the dander and threads and feathers and dust bunnies and miscellaneous unnamed yuck that’s floating and lying around and I transport said materials to my next destination.

So I brush my coat, and I whisk it. I shake it and take tape to it. I have lint rollers in the car, at home, at the office. I roll and roll and roll my black cloth coat. Despite all that, everywhere I go, I gather and gather and display.

And so I’m left with this question. Those nice vinyl yellow rain slickers - are they available with a good heavy lining?