Over the years the food police have had me pretty confused over what's healthy to eat and what's not. They've fiddled with that food pyramid enough that I no longer remember which side of the pyramid goes on the bottom.

I actually think I may have my own personal pyramid upside down with french fries in the spot where apples and oranges should appear. And when I look at it close, I can't even find green leafy vegetable anywhere. They may have slid off the pyramid during an FDA adjustment. It may just be that my personal pyramid has morphed into a chubby hexagon rather than a pyramid.

For a long time I thought I was hearing that fish should move somewhere new on the pyramid and to rearrange where orange juice sat. I never got the official memo, though, and so guilt and confusion still guide me to the known and familiar - like jelly donuts.

And when it comes to the issue of quantity - well ignorance is bliss and that's my own darn fault. Imagine my dismay recently while I enjoyed devouring a small bag of cookies during a "Law and Order" rerun. Inadvertently, while finishing off the last chocolate chip, I read the small print portion size on the side of the bag. "Calories per serving 423, servings per bag- 7."

Oh my.

I take an elevator at work every day. In that elevator is a little television screen that flashes stock prices, current news, weather and assorted tid-bits. The television in the elevator is an addictive little devise and I read it whenever I travel up or down. No one talks on the elevator anymore - we all just look over to the top right corner of the elevator cab. Tall folks know not to stand in that corner and block our view. If they forget, we study the shape of their head for the duration of the elevator ride.

I don't know who is behind the elevator television news. I don't know how they choose the "program" or what their source is. But I treat my elevator informationals as fact and I share and quote from them every day.

And this just in...

According to the elevator news - eggs are good! Yesterday's morning one-minute elevator "program" said that there is no science to support the theory of limiting egg consumption to three eggs per week. That line item on the pyramid chart - with the asterisk saying three eggs only - well my elevator news source says it's not so.

All this means the return into my life of the ultimate comfort food, the fired egg sandwich.

Now one may think that a fried egg sandwich is not that big a deal. In my book it is the ultimate sandwich and one where perfection can be sought.

To achieve perfection in a fired egg sandwich I require certain tools. I have the perfect little non-stick skillet, the correct medium sized spatula. I use only real butter to start off melting in the pan. Only Hellmann's real mayonnaise tops my creation when it is done.

When fried eggs are served sitting on a plate atop of toast - that's when I like to leave the yoke runny. But a good fried egg sandwich requires the yoke be broken and the egg fried on both sides. That's my rule. Top it all off with a good dash of salt and that's a real sandwich.

Do I worry that my anonymous elevator news source will ultimately change its recommendation on egg consumption? Oh sure, it's bound to happen. The food pyramid will get knocked around some more. Eggs will get moved, eggs will get broken.

But when that pyramid shift occurs, I can only hope for one thing. I can hope a tall guy stands in the corner of the elevator - and I miss the news.