Midwest Memo
Comfort clothes
by Alan Shultz

Enough about the comfort food, about golden fried chicken and fluffy mashed potatoes and flaky buttermilk biscuits with lots of butter and a dollop of jam.

Enough about bowls of chocolate pudding and generous slices of warm from the oven pie with rich vanilla ice cream melting atop.

Enough already about all the comfort food we yearn for in winter, the soups and stews and fresh from the oven creations that appeal so when the wind blows and the snow falls and the ice forms on top of the pond.

Enough about the food.

Let's consider the clothing that necessarily follows consuming all that food.

Comfort clothes.

I was helping an appraiser measure the dimensions of a big walk-in closet last week. In order to get the width of the space I had to move a stack of plastic storage bins. The top bin was marked "ample waist pants." I chuckled to myself to see that we all like to know where our comfort clothes are when needed.

Those loose fitting jeans, those ample necked shirts.

My comfort clothes tend to be ancient and disliked by other family members.

I have a pair of dark green sweat pants that are big and warm and oh so ever ugly. After a long day at the office these pants are welcoming. I made mention of the pants the other day in some discussion of favorite clothing items. My son Brad immediately knew which clothing item I was referring to.

"Oh, yea, Dad," he said, "the sweats that make you look like a serial killer."

So much for the fashion statement of comfort clothing.

Due to their popularity, comfort clothes have been washed so many times they often are on the verge of falling apart. My favorite sleep shirts are hanging together by shear tradition. One shirt is from a Delphi Public Library event back in 1996 - a blue t-shirt which must by now be a collector item. The other is a purple - sort of - shirt I got at a Yoga class taught by Donna Mikesell. It says "Namasté" on the front of it. "Namasté" is an Indian greeting denoting great respect. That was many "down dogs" Yoga positions ago. Nowadays, the shirt doesn't get a lot of respect. Still, I'm quite fond of it.

My favorite shirt to wear when writing is a long-sleeved cotton dress shirt. The shirt is comfortable beyond description. It's dark blue. The label says it was made in Indonesia. Well, they make shirts well over there because this thing is old - I mean really old. It was a cast off, or a left behind, from some visitor to a long ago sold summer place my folks had some 35 or so years back.

When the "gangster" look first became popular with the young guys I thought I understood

it. Those huge cotton

shirts, so oversized the fellow

inside was lost. Those wide waist pants hanging down so low. I thought comfort was driving the look. But I was wrong. These fellows don't get comfort. The shirts are so big they are drafty, that's surely not comfortable.

And the pants, no one gets the pants. Over the weekend I had on comfy jeans that were so stretched, so loose that they begged for the belt that I forgot. Over the course of the day my pockets filled with cell phone, change, wallet, camera, and keys. Gravity took its toll and I had to resort to a waddle to keep those jeans anywhere near my waist. That's certainly not comfort.

The thing about comfort clothes is they really can't be made per se. It seems like they must evolve over time with washing and wearing and aging.

On the other hand, if new jeans can be made to look old, well maybe comfort clothes can be manufactured. If that's the case, I'm thinking of a crossmarketing deal sure to be a success.

Coming soon to your supermarket isles, Big Al's Comfort Clothes. You'll likely find them right there over near the glazed cinnamon buns.