Midwest Memo
Fiasco
by Alan Shultz

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," that's the thought to which I hold.

I don't like inertia. I see it as the enemy. I like change and the promise of the future. But I don't like the inevitable mess one encounters between point A and point B.

Having said that, it all really started with my printer/copy machine.

The cord on my little HP printer/copier and the electrical outlet devoted to the printer dictated that the printer had to sit precariously on a corner of my office desk. There were many close calls that threatened sending the printer crashing to the floor.

What I should have done was purchase a three dollar extension cord.

Instead, I dreamed of organizing the mess that resides 24/7 on the surface of my desk.

Visions of a kind of "copy center" danced in my head. I saw neat, orderly cords, shelves for copy paper and supplies. I imagined one of those copy places with paper clips, staplers and scissors always filled and at ones disposal. In my mind I was organized, efficient, productive.

And then a friend told me about Alex, the carpenter.

On a whim, I phoned Alex. I explained what I wanted built.

Soon he was at the house measuring for the little wooden cube that would hang from the wall and finally organize my home office once and for all. The initial drawing looked good, the estimate seemed reasonable, the timetable worked. We were in business.

And then I uttered the words I would ultimately regret,

"So while you're here..."

It was then I had Alex look at a walk-thru closet that I thought could be put to better use.

"More storage...and a clothes hamper."

My wife was skeptical, she left the details to me.

The plan allowed Alex a fourfoot span for the built-in he was to construct. That four feet required removing part of an existing built-in. To transition between the old and the new Alex was to build a small clothes hamper at a different height and that would make the visual work.

To the drawing board Alex headed.

A week or so later my fax machine kicked on and out came drawing one - the little copy/printer center. It looked right, I initialed the drawing and faxed it back.

So far so good.

Next came the closet built-in. There it was - an armoire looking floor to ceiling built-in with drawers on the bottom, hanging in the middle, storage up top. The hamper cabinet looked good and it made the transition visually pleasing. Again, I initialed and sent back.

I sent in my deposit.

Time passed. Then the call came from Alex, the date was set, the areas cleared and made ready.

I will say, the copy center, the original idea behind that first call to Alex, worked fine. The piece fit the space, the copier fit on top. I can't say that the paper clips, staplers and scissors ever found their fit. I can't say that I'm more

efficient. What I can say is that

the copier/printer has a home and no one is going to knock it to the floor.

After the head scratching, after the disbelief, after the re-measure we reviewed Alex's drawing, the one I initialed. The drawing lacked certain essential details. There were no measurements anywhere on the page.

Alex's custom floor to ceiling wardrobe and transitional hamper combination, the one that was to fit in a space of four feet, well, it arrived "supersized." The wardrobe alone came in at fivefeet wide. And for humor sake, and for the life of me I can't explain this one, Alex made the clothes hamper into a recycling center.

No kidding.

Two feet too big, and a kitchen function instead of a laundry function, who would have guessed?

In the end, Alex's jumbo wardrobe wound up on the wall that wasn't to be disturbed. It wasn't big enough to fill the entire space, so there's an awkward gap now. That gap wasn't big enough for the clothes hamper/recycling center- that has yet to find a home.

So far, whites go in the tin can section and colors go where newspapers should be.

And me, I'm learning to appreciate the finer qualities of inertia. That, and a good tape measure.